Why I consider it important to document the present
I am fascinated by memories.
Partly, that is because I have had many occurrences of my past slip into oblivion, which I blame on my forgetfulness and poor memory.
And partly, I am terrified that a person and the way he or she was might disappear completely after we have parted.
I am intrigued by the idea of holding onto things that keep moments and people in my memory.
Holding onto memories
I have kept every letter anyone has ever given me - notes passed around in school, cards for my birthday, letters goodbye from my family when I was leaving home…
On every family occasion I have kept my camera dangling around my neck, taking photos of people, capturing their smiles, their facial expressions, the sunshine on their face and the background as their canvas.
I have a folder full of photos for all of those close to me on my hard drive; them captured in a moment in time, a split second of what they mean to me.
I have kept pocket notebooks, an action instilled by my dad, all my life and when I left home I started filling journals with words, photos, receipts - cut outs of moments - every year of my life.
Partly, to document. But more so out of the incessant fear that I might forget how it truly was.
A collage of memories gathered over the years.
Re(present)ing the present
The thing about memories is that we selectively, subconsciously choose what we remember.
Moreover, often memories are skewed by the present. We change memories according to what we experience, just like we can change opinions by gaining new knowledge.
But what is kept in words, photos or recordings in the present, cannot be altered or manipulated by our minds.
It is a representation of the present, as it is, that turns into the past, as it was, in the future.
And this action to hold onto memories is not to be confused with living in the past. It is merely there to remind us of everything we have experienced, should we ever want to remember how it truly was.
I am
As you might have gathered by now, I am intrigued by memories.
My reason to document the present is a very selfish one: To remember in the future.
Art, creation and poetic intentions come second. The fear to forget rules my actions.
Hopefully, I will be able to turn my memories into art in the future. But ultimately, if I can remember, I am.
Descartes claimed: “Cogito ergo sum”, “I think therefore I am”.
I wish to object.
I remember, therefore I am.