what is loneliness

I have felt alone in a room, looking out at the yellow square lights of windows in houses next to me.

I have felt alone walking through the city with hundreds of people around me,

looking but not seeing.

I have felt alone at parties with a drink of false pretence in my hand,

laughing at jokes I do not deem funny.

I have felt alone in conversations sporting unpopular opinions

but being too much of a coward to voice them .

But never, not once, have I felt alone on top of the highest mountain on our farm at home, walking kilometres on end with nothing but open spaces around me, not a human in sight, not a house, not a fence,

not a road but my own.

People say we need other people around us, signs of society, nights out and conversations, cinema, social events and social media

to feel less alone, but they could not be further from the truth.

I admit, it is true, we need social interactions as human beings to stay sane,

but if I wouldn’t know the freedom of loneliness that comes from walking through still, untouched landscapes,

I would cease to exist.

Yearning that loneliness at times leaves me drained.

But it also fills me with such gratitude, such thankfulness (a new word would have to be invented to describe the feeling)

and such a deep understanding of the importance of having and preserving such open landscapes.

I believe this;

You haven’t felt the true loneliness that comes from being in crowds, if you haven’t experienced the freedom and contentedness

that comes with being alone in an unspoilt landscape.